Dare to Hope "The Email"

I can't believe that I'm actually confessing to this!  But, I thought you might need a good laugh....or even a good cry.  I love early BFP's...I can't resist when I know we had perfect timing to use a test.  Normally, I try to do the dollar store test.  This time, I upped the bar with FRER!

Each day, after I get my negative, I look at it a million times through out the day...in the sunshine, over lamps, something to give me a little hope.  Well, this week, I've been taking apart each test-setting it aside, then comparing all as pairs, continuing the process of windows, lamps, etc.

Tonight, I laid all my negative test on a white sheet of paper-held it over my lampshade and saw amazing things.  First, I noticed on the "cushion" side of the test (there were big fat pink lines on each one of my test...) hmmmm...intriguing...never noticed it before.

Then, in the normal testing area, I noticed nothing on the first test, indented white line on second test, then faint line on third test...my heart skips and flutters, what if???  what if???

Now, I KNOW these are all negative...and I KNOW that when I open the test...it is invalid...I'm just experimenting, grasping hope that maybe, just maybe...

I'm expecting my temps to drop tomorrow...I'll report in the AM!  I only have one test left--it's a Clear Blue Digital...I have never used before...it came free with my ovulation kit.

I will probably end up using it tomorrow.

Anyway, count yourself luck if you haven't gone to this extreme!  It's fun, but indeed crazy!  I remember the days when I never peed on a stick....I remember the days when I never knew my cycle day....and was never prepared for AF...those days are long gone!

As I tell my stories, you may have wide eyes & "Thank God" you haven't gotten to this point....or may laugh and say "Oh, I can totally relate..."

Sometimes, I feel frustrated that I let HOPE drive me to absolute belief that THIS IS THE MONTH...but, you know-I'm glad that I have this strong desire...and each month, when a new cycle begins, somehow, I don't know how---a new hope arises within me.

DESIRE-to have a family--a willingness not to give up...

There is nothing wrong with desperately hoping and wanting a child.  We may fail to "become pregnant" instantly...but, never fail to HOPE...One day, girls...one day...it will happen!

I feel really compelled to share with you, girls.  I've lost three babies...it's been two years of trying to conceive...I've always seen myself with a big family--but, I'm thirty five...and life looks a lot different than I imagined it to be.

I know some of you are down, saddened, and grieving at this time.  Please don't give up hope.  Keep striving!  Fight!  Listen to your heart.  If it tells you to take a break...listen.  If it says...keep trying, don't give up....follow your heart.

Life isn't fair.   Sometimes, you feel alone in your journey...but, HOPE wants to accompany you.

I'll never forget what Betsey said the month she got pregnant "She dared to Wear her white shorts!"  That is so classic!!!   She had ups & downs...but, she never let hope die!  (Betsey tried, also, for two years!)  She is twenty weeks pregnant today!!!

I miss her Spirit.

Dare to Hope.