CD 33-What?!?!?!

I am now on cycle 33, I'm awaiting AF to arrive...my average cycle in the past two years have been 27 cycle days. I am ready and prepared for AF...just didn't think it would take this long! To those who have long cycle days, I have great compassion for you. What patience! I took a pregnancy test on Friday (-)...should I even bother to try again?

Cheering for a Team that Never Wins

Okay, so I feel like a cheerleader who is cheering for a hopeless team.

My husband can probably relate-he is a Chicago Cubs fan. He has been since he was old enough to wear a team hat-and have his own baseball glove. Since we've been together, I experienced a true "cheerleader" or fan. He has been on pins and needles hoping for a shot at the World Series. Yes, they have gotten close-but, each loss hits hard. I have noticed this is the first year since we've been married that he is keeping the Cubs at a distance. He just can't "bear" it.

Our latest cycle of test have hit us hard once again. I am of getting tired of this whole process.

So, we had the sperm analysis this month. Rich passed with flying colors!! Then, the post-coital test...my left ovary was anticipating a release within a few hours. But, we failed the test-no semen! What?!?

Despite having great timing, we get knocked down with a real blow. Yet, I still remain hopeful.

I bought another box of First Response pregnancy test (3 count). Then, I called the RE to hear my results from the progesterone test. It was a 7.8! UGH! Can you believe it? So, this month, we have a no semen & low progesterone...it really is difficult to cheer for Team Baby!

I remember distinctly telling my husband that if we still were trying to conceive by the month before my 36th birthday...I would definitely give up the dream(that was three years ago). I really had hoped that this would be my month, I did give myself an ultimatum.

Yes, tonight, I feel like I'm cheering for a team that never wins. But, then I turned around and looked at my beautiful four year old daughter thanking God that I had at least one grand slam! She is one of those "hits" that will become history.

Brown Spotting

Okay, here comes the brown spotting!  I hate this stuff playing with my head!  So, I really need to go for a walk!  If I start full flow, this will be a 24 day cycle!  I think I want to scream!  It's time to step away from the google searches and step outside and enjoy this cool day.  I need some exercise badly!  Vent!  Vent! Vent!  

Cramps

Boo!  Boo to Cramps!!!!  It's cycle day 24 and I began having light cramping this morning.  I resisted the urge to buy my favorite pee on a stick brand, instead bought the necessary items for a new cycle.  However, I cannot resist my old habits, so I stopped at the dollar store to pick up a few dollar test to satisfy my poas addiction.

My "hot body" contest is going very well!  I lost 1.5 pound this past week!  So, I feel like I'm on a roll now!  I must keep the trend moving downward.  It would be nice to be able to fit back into my summer clothes!  

Got to run,

Kelly

RE Update

We are going to do a few more test to see if there is anything that they can find.  Rich had to do a S/A--fun, fun!  Then, on my next cycle, we will do the post-coital test, along with a progesterone test.  In my heart, I really think that my problem is with implantation/blood clotting.  I read on one board that a girl with my background started Lovenex on cd 6-a part of me wonders if we did that...I wonder if it would help.  When I have done the Ovulation Predicator kits in the past, I have had a surge on CD 10, 11, or 12-in different cycles.  So, I do ovulate on different days.  

He did mention that with Clomid, I should have gotten pregnant on those cycles.  So, hopefully, Clomid is out for us!  I am feeling lots of pings, pulls, etc. (again) inside my belly this cycle.  I have done this in the past with no pregnancy--but, I've done it--with a pregnancy.  No way to predict the future with this one. 

I'm doing really well with my diet.  I just need to stay on task each day.  I think it's a great idea--and I hope to lose ten pounds in the next few weeks!!!!

6 Month RE

Today, I have an appointment with the RE.  It has been six months since our last meeting.  I am a little suprised that we are not pregnant by now (at least the first weeks of pregnancy).  Rich & I sat down together and had a long talk.  He was fine with not moving forward in this process.  I asked him...."If money was not an option, would you want another child."  He responded, Yes.  Whew!  I really want to try at least one more time....I wish I could just let go of the idea once and for all.  But, I still hope for another chance.  

Leah & Heath called last night.  It was a blessing to hear them "cheering" us on!  I needed that...I feel like I've been running this long marathon and it seems like the finish line will never be in sight!  I'm thankful for friends who have been there-and can understand the pain, the patience, and the perserverance.  

I don't want to force this to happen-and I am willing to let go.  But, I really believe that once I let go--I'm done.  It will be time to create a new life.  So, here we go....please God give us guidance and peace.

Ovulation

Okay-cycle day 10 is here-wow...that was fast!  How in the world is time going by so quickly?  It used to drag---is the process getting easier?